Chapter 6 - And I will try to fix you.
Sunlight came in perfectly through the window of the lavender coloured bedroom, perfectly enlightening the white bay window seat, with lavender cushions on it. Sarah was sitting up on the bed, her back resting on the pillows as she watched the golden sunlight pour in all over and light up the room.
Sarah, for the first time in about almost 3 months, was smiling genuinely. Watching Morgan play with her little niece Holly was a delight, her brother and his wife had dropped off Holly with her and went around London to finish off some work, and they thought Sarah would definitely feel better if she got to spend time with the little one. Sarah had a little pain in the stomach so she chose to stay in bed, and Holly wasn't one to stay put in a place. Even though being confused at first about the sudden change of Auntie Sarah's house, and Uncle Olive not being there, Holly had gone along pretty well with Morgan - he had his way with people, especially kids.
Sitting on the little bay window seat with Holly standing on it, Morgan loved the warmth of the sun on his skin, but he loved the warmth of Holly's laugh more. The little girl had beautiful blue eyes that glistened every time he ticked her; and she loved being tickled by him, continuously wanting him to keep tickling her every time he'd stop. The iPod dock was on, soft music playing and making the setting even more perfect. "Megan" by Bayside played; Sarah softly swayed her head along, a little smile lingering on her face. Morgan turned his head to his left - where the bed was, and seeing Sarah quietly enjoying herself made him feel instantly better, as he came up with an idea to turn that small smile into a big one. He stood up and picked up Holly in his arms, and sang along to the last few lines of the song that were playing. "I-I-I-I just want you to know, that I waaaited as long as I co-o-o-ould..."
Sarah instantly turned her head and looked at Morgan, who was looking at her all this while but looked away just when she turned. He looked at Holly instead and sang along, "I'm butter on a summer day when she's around..."
Holly instantly burst into laughter, and her contagious laugh spread onto Sarah and Morgan too. "Drops of Jupiter" started playing right after, and Morgan returned to his entertainer self. He was holding Holly with one hand, and put his hand out for Holly to put her hand into, as if asking her for a dance. The little girl, still laughing, put her hand into his, and he swayed around with her. She thoroughly enjoyed it, her laughter giving a good competition to the volume of the music blasting through the speakers.
"Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken?" Morgan sang along, as he swirled around one more time before sitting down next to Sarah on the bed, and releasing Holly as she dropped on the bed and lay down, giggling. "Your best friend always sticking up for you," Morgan sang, turning his face to the right to face Sarah, who was smiling and had her vision fixed at Holly. "Even when I know you're wrong."
Holly sat back up, looking at Sarah and trying to say something, but ending up laughing instead. Sarah couldn't handle her cuteness either, bursting into little episodes of laughter herself. Morgan sat next to Sarah and across Holly, completely enjoying the innocence and love that filled the moment. "Na, na, na, na, na, na," Morgan sang and shook his head along, causing Holly to end up laughing again. "Boy, she loves laughing," Morgan softly told Sarah in between his adorable antics to keep the kid ecstatic - and more importantly, to keep her Aunt ecstatic.
"She does," Sarah answered, followed by a laugh. She looks so beautiful when she laughs, Morgan thought when he looked at her, before snapping back into the moment.
"And did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day?" Morgan sang, and repeated the "Na, na, na" part, but this time, Holly tried singing along. Even though she was out of tone, it still sounded like one of the most adorable and amazing things in the world to Sarah and Morgan.
The last "Na, na, na, na, na, na," part, all 3 of them sang together, and ended up in hysterical laughter the moment the song ended. The childishness in Sarah whenever she was with Holly always seemed endearing, but today he got a clear close-up of the pure love the Aunt and niece shared, and he loved every second of being able to sit between the two of them and be so involved with them. His laughing had slowed down and his eyes were twinkling, the sight of the two beautiful girls splitting their sides had his heart smiling. The morning had started off perfectly, and Morgan just wanted the rest of the day to go as well for Sarah, though he doubted it would.
Sarah had moved into Morgan's two bedroom house in London right after she got discharged from the hospital. Given Olivier's condition, they had to move all her stuff out from his place, and get her a new place to stay into until the situation was a lot less messy. They considered keeping her at either of Jess, Mariam or Suha's places, but Jess had gotten a work opportunity in Barcelona and had to fly off, Mariam and Suha could easily take her in but both of them wouldn't be home all day, sometimes their work had them spending weekends at the office too sometimes, so leaving Sarah all alone the entire day when she needed as much help as possible didn't seem ideal. Morgan was the only one who could comparatively give her more time than her other best friends, as he frequently visited London anyway, and his house stayed empty most of the time anyway so she could comfortably live there. Sarah, obviously, hesitated at first but Morgan was persistent. She soon gave in, and Morgan's house felt a lot more like home after 3 weeks of staying there. She still didn't know how to deal with the Olivier situation, but was in contact with him a few times through texts and calls, asking how he was and how he was coping with everything.
Morgan had decided to throw a little party that night - it'd been a long time since he'd seen some of his friends and wanted to take them out, but Sarah told him that it was his house and he would've brought them here if she wasn't staying, so he should bring them anyway. Inviting all their mutual friends, Morgan had no other option than to invite Olivier. He knew that seeing him would kill Sarah, but when confirming with her, she said she wouldn't mind and would have to face things one day or the other. There was no other way than to adapt to it.
The party started a while after Sarah's brother and his wife came back in the afternoon to pick Holly up, they wanted to stay but Holly had school the next day so they couldn't. Letting Holly go always made Sarah's heart wrench, she would've gone back to Norwich with them if she didn't require weekly checkups at the hospital. Evening soon rolled in, and the guests started pouring in. About 40 people, including Morgan's friends and their better halves were all invited. People slowly started showing up, and Sarah was downstairs, socializing with people for the first time in forever. All his friends knew her too, and she was having an okay time for once. Morgan was in her sight as he was going around greeting his friends, joking around with some of them and standing and conversing with some. Music played in the background through the surround-sound system, the place felt pretty nice until Sarah walked into the living room to greet some people. Her eyes turned to the TV as it was switched on, a few people on the sofa had their eyes hooked to watching some movie that was on. It didn't bother her until her eyes turned to the TV again, and her heart jumped at the scene playing. A police officer shot down a criminal, the person down on the floor, bleeding. The scene caused Sarah to have flashbacks, and she instantly felt like the room had absolutely no air, like she couldn't breathe. Escaping everything, she walked back upstairs and went into her room, frantically looking through her drawers and bags for those two bottles of medicines. She finally found them in one of her bags, but when she took them out, both were empty. She started feeling more breathless, her hands now trembling and her head feeling like something was pounding at it, causing extreme pain. She sat down on the window seat, the dim yellow light wasn't too bright but enough to light up the room, yet she felt like every passing second the room was only getting darker.
In midst of the crowd and music playing, Morgan's eyes scanned all over the place for Sarah, but didn't find her anywhere. After asking around if anyone had seen her, finally one of their friends answered they had seen her going upstairs. Morgan rushed to her, wondering if her pain was back or she didn't feel good. Opening the door to the room, Morgan realized the whole room was a mess. He saw Sarah sitting on the seat while she constantly let out small breaths, and her distress was very, very visible on her face. Morgan ran over to her, leaving the door slightly open - not enough for the noise outside to get in, but somehow the sound of the music pierced through. "Fix you" by Coldplay played as Morgan went and sat down on his knees in front of Sarah, trying to get her to calm down.
"Sarah, Sarah, look at me. Please breathe. Come on, in through your nose, out through your mouth. Long, deep breaths. Come on, sweetie, you can do this, you can breathe," he said, in the gentlest possible tone. Sarah was slowly calming down, Morgan being around and understanding her Post Traumatic Stress Disorder made things a lot better, or else she'd just label herself as crazy and let it be.
"Come on, now, where are your medicines? The antipsychotics and the anti-anxiety meds?" Morgan asked, thinking that the doses would help her calm down sooner. Sarah didn't answer, as she slowly pointed at the two empty bottles lying on the floor.
"They've over?" Morgan asked, furrowing his eyebrows. Sarah simply nodded, not wanting to answer. "How?! I just got you two bottles of 10 in each just two days ago, they're supposed to last 5 days?!"
It took a minute or two of silence from Sarah for Morgan to realize what was going on. "Wait... Wait. No. Sarah... No. Don't tell me you've been overdosing," he asked, standing up and looking at Sarah with disappointment all over his face.
"They make me feel better," Sarah answered bursting into tears. Morgan sat down next to Sarah, and put his arm over her shoulder.
"But you know you're not supposed to take just a milligram more than you're prescribed, Sarah! You know this better than me; you know it's not safe. It's gonna make you feel better but it won't be nice if you get hooked to this. Please, promise me you'll never do this again," Morgan was still so gentle with every word he said, handling her with utmost care and caution.
"I don't know what to do, I just don't know what to do," Sarah was almost bawling at this point.
"You don't have to worry about a thing when I'm here, and I'll always be here for you," Morgan put both his arms around her and pulled her in for a hug; she rested her forehead against his chest and let out all the tears. Every day felt like a drag and she just didn't know what to do about it, the only thing keeping her sane at this point was Morgan, and she didn't have the words to thank him with.
"Fix you" was still playing when they embraced into the hug, the lines "And I will try to fix you" played just as soon as the door to the room opened. Both of them instantly sat up and looked at the door, which was straight across the room from the window. Sarah's heartbeat jumped again, seeing Olivier standing there in a black and white striped tee and jeans had her instantly in tears - just the sight of him reminded her of what had happened and knowing he no longer remembered her constantly irked her in her mind.
"Oh, I'm sorry! I really didn't mean to buuuut, did I interrupt something?" Olivier asked, winking at Morgan. Morgan rolled his eyes disapprovingly; Sarah looked away knowing she could never look at him straight and face him right now, not at this moment at least. Morgan, who was clutching Sarah's hand, slowly let it go and walked up to Olivier, hugged him and took him downstairs to enjoy the party, leaving Sarah sitting all alone in the room with nowhere to go. The day which had started off pretty great was now feeling a lot worse, and all she wished was that she could run away from all of this and never come back to it ever again.